A revolting Shade of Brown

I cannot take the agony of waiting any longer. A family is in jeopardy and it hurts to even think of the end result. Let me explain. Daniel, 30 years old born and raised in Berlin, Germany, started His modelling career at 22 years of age. He travelled worldwide, indulging in the lifestyle of a High Fashion male model. Charming His way through magazine pages and walking the catwalks for Versace, Lous Vouttin, etc. 2007 in Tokyo, Japan, He met Me. Elena Pearl, 18 years old, JUST entered my peek in a international modelling career. We hit it off right from the start. I wasn't completely interested in a relationship, as I was in a VERY complex situation back home, in Canada. YET, Daniels charm and "swaavyyy" personality took a hold of my heart; grasped it, locked it and stored it, all within 3 months time! 2 Years have gone by, I am now 20 and Daniel and I share a beautiful baby boy, Matheus Luigi!! He was quite a shock to both Daniel and I. Phuket, Thailand is where I was working, the day I found out I was pregnant. ( I was irregular and thought nothing of it!) A few Russian models, who I lived with, were totally convinced I was pregnant, because they had seen my body language, eating habits, sleep patterns, etc and experienced EXACTLY the same symptoms when THEY were pregnant. ( HA! how nice!) So I figured, Ah, how much harm can it possibly do!? Lets check. BAAAAM! 3 tests later, a confused, utterly shocked, nervous girl in a foreign country was unexpectedly pregnant!!! You have no idea, the horror yet relief, I went through to make the decision Daniel and I finally made. In short, Abortion is illegal in Thailand and my inner instincts advised me to keep this precious gift. So we did. Matheus Luigi; which means, gift from God, born in Canada on April 21st 2009! Daniel and I have decided to settle in Canada, since the whole core of my family is situated here. We figured, I was the one who needed the most emotional support and being next to my family was best. Although, Daniel hasn't seen His family in over 3 years now. Its due, very soon. Since Daniel has a European passport and my pregnancy was a surprise. We had no time and no organization whatsoever, to complete Daniels paperwork and residency in Canada. 6 months had passed and Daniel was called back to the immigration office and was told that He was going to be deported and could never return back to Canada!! My heart popped out of my throat and I was slowly choking to death. Daniel within the last 2 years had picked up a very skilled talent; Photography. The Canadian government was concerned that He would be working illegally, without proper papers and thus not being able to support Himself, Deportation was their solution! The hours we spent, calling the German consulate, meeting with Canadian immigration lawyers, going through government official through official, was exhausting. I was honestly at the point of losing all hope, when FINALLY, I think my tears got through to someone within that office!! Daniel was granted ANOTHER 6 months TEMPORARY residence visa. During those 6 months, we have to file common law papers ( Yes, we aren't married) transfer ALL His existing German paperwork into English, have it approved, fill out sponsorship papers, etc. 2 months ago, we moved to Toronto. Daniel is self employed as a renovation/construction worker. Times are harder than ever. I have switched all our Quebec provincial documents to Ontario. Physically, we are beyond superb, emotionally; I am breaking down. The recession has finally hit our Home. I love my son til the end of my days and will continue to give Him, whatever it is that He needs. But lately, this is becoming harder and harder. Daniels work is slowing down. I have asked family for help. But all this takes time, Time that we cannot spare, Time that is being lost. I am afraid. I am worried. Mind You, we ARE surviving but we aren't LIVING life anymore. Daniel has concluded, that returning to Tokyo for 3 months is the best way to fix our financial situation. In 3 months, Daniel can make 10k + modelling. Its insane, right?! Fantastic! But that would mean leaving our son and me for 3 months! I cannot bare the thought of this. Daniel was not here during my WHOLE pregnancy, He was in Tokyo, making enough money to build a solid foundation for our new family. Which I completely understood and supported. But now, I feel that enough is enough. Am I being selfish? I know these times are hard, but cant we find ANY OTHER solution before having to reside on this awful distant choice?! I have told Daniel, if He does decide to leave, I will no longer be with him. I have no idea what to do, I do not know if I am strong enough to survive the distance. I don't want my son to take His first step and look around to not see Daddy. I do not want my son to not recognize His own father. My question is: what do I do?